So wow, never imagined that i’d be prompted to post from the road - but desperate times call for desperate measures. I guess my indecisiveness vis a vis a return to PS needed a catalyst, but I would never in a million years expect to be heading home to attend a funeral for a former classmate. ugh.
I am typing on my iBook from my latest form of affordable transportation (don’t ask how much the train to MTL cost, please) - the infamous Greyhound. What is usually a bittersweet trip at best is now a bizarre brain-dead, still-in-shock journey back to the hometown for what is to me an unimaginable ritual goodbye.
My Dad rang me while I was buying groceries yesterday & dropped the horrible news that my former French Immersion classmate, Rachel, had passed away days before & that on Wednesday there would be a service held in town. It is a safe bet that I am not the only ex-townie making this pilgrimage to pay my respects to a truly incredible woman.
I first met Rachel when I was ten years old & we were making the best of a new language & set of classmates at an awkward (st)age in life. Throughout high school we went our separate course & social circle ways, but I will never forget the personal challenges she met head on as a teen & tragically, would have to continually meet & rise above for the rest of her life.
I can’t get into the details of the disease & treatment & affliction - honestly because I won’t pretend to be able to speak intelligently or well-informed on what exactly she was coping with. With any loss there is a considerable chunk of time devoted to reflection, regret & thankfulness. I’m remembering her unimaginable amount of energy, spirit, humour and humility while her immune system was AWOL, but at the same time regretting that I never took the time to tell her this specifically.
Two years ago, her family organised an ambitious weekend-long charity softball tournament, at which I travelled with my then-Ottawa-dwelling buds, Norm & Alisha & embarrassed myself fully, but reconnected with many of our former-FI classmates & saw Rachel for the last time.
Unfortunately, NXNE & the 2nd annual tourney fell on the same weekend this year & I chose the former because of previous commitments & personal ambitions. So yeah, I feel shitty about choosing the GTA schmooze & music option over the grassroots charity tourney in her honour. But in and of itself, that’s also a selfish indulgence of energy - regret for things passed.
In a full narcissistic turn, all this makes me wonder what the fuck I would want to do for a last goodbye….my mind wanders to the High Fidelity scene where the employees compare ideal funeral tunes….The Irish wake is too rowdy & not my style, but there is a catharsis in that tradition that is entirely taboo in straight-laced ceremonies…The key phrase is my mind wanders…..
out of steam
peace
meegs
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